"I'm staring at my future, and it's staring back at me..."
Everybody has a future and, generally, people have no great cause to think about it/them. Actually, that's probably not true - I'm sure a great many people have cause to think about it/them or, even if they have no great cause, think about it/them anyway.
I've never really thought about my future, never really stood still, took stock and looked it in the eye. In the past, as far as the future has been concerned, I've just winged it and hoped for the best. And that's sort of fine if the best actually turns out to be the case scenario that you find yourself faced with and living alongside when the future catches you.
But, if it turns out that the case scenario you suddenly realise you are about to have a close encounter with is the flip side of that particular coin... well, then, it's a bit of a harsh reality check.
At the moment, every day of my life seems to be a harsh reality check. I've never been entirely good at the whole reality business but recently I've been faced with it in ever increasingly worrying ways and, frankly, having finally looked more closely at my future, the only conclusion I have is that it's
rubbish.
Naturally, there is no one to blame for this but me.
But that doesn't lessen the fear and worry of it all, the pain in potentia and the stress in actuality and the onrushing terror of the reality yet to come.
On days like this I can see the appeal of self-termination although I suppose that is the height of selfish buck passing. I don't think that I am yet that selfish - although I am undoubtedly selfish.
Still, there are days when I wish life wasn't such a struggle.
But there is never a day when it isn't and it's getting harder and harder to come to terms with it. Like I said - it's a struggle.
Ah...
F*cking future; it catches us all in the end but it appears to be catching me now.
: (
Steve B
Everybody has a future and, generally, people have no great cause to think about it/them. Actually, that's probably not true - I'm sure a great many people have cause to think about it/them or, even if they have no great cause, think about it/them anyway.
I've never really thought about my future, never really stood still, took stock and looked it in the eye. In the past, as far as the future has been concerned, I've just winged it and hoped for the best. And that's sort of fine if the best actually turns out to be the case scenario that you find yourself faced with and living alongside when the future catches you.
But, if it turns out that the case scenario you suddenly realise you are about to have a close encounter with is the flip side of that particular coin... well, then, it's a bit of a harsh reality check.
At the moment, every day of my life seems to be a harsh reality check. I've never been entirely good at the whole reality business but recently I've been faced with it in ever increasingly worrying ways and, frankly, having finally looked more closely at my future, the only conclusion I have is that it's
rubbish.
Naturally, there is no one to blame for this but me.
But that doesn't lessen the fear and worry of it all, the pain in potentia and the stress in actuality and the onrushing terror of the reality yet to come.
On days like this I can see the appeal of self-termination although I suppose that is the height of selfish buck passing. I don't think that I am yet that selfish - although I am undoubtedly selfish.
Still, there are days when I wish life wasn't such a struggle.
But there is never a day when it isn't and it's getting harder and harder to come to terms with it. Like I said - it's a struggle.
Ah...
F*cking future; it catches us all in the end but it appears to be catching me now.
: (
Steve B